Serious Talk

" I, Khairunnisa Ibrahim promised to talk seriously in this entry. "

Weeks passed since I left the university. Time flew fast, holiday feels so short.. I was not grateful for that. But some parts of me think so indeed, though I know I am not supposed to feel it that way. Too many things happened right in front of my eyes, while I am quiet, observing it.

I left my bag on the bus on my journey home. Bloody stupid me. I've just learnt that I have parents with relationship nearly at an end... And grandpa died on the third day I was here. Then life went so busy.Ask me why did I spend most of my times in the room instead of in the living room with tv. Because I cannot breatheeee with the smokes. Ask me why didn’t I just leave the room and go out to a friend’s. I do not know. Being alone feels good somehow.

When the results are out I feel stuffier. The other subjects are so good, better than I expected but discrete mathematics killed me. I will have to repeat it in the third semester. C-. Damn.... Why do I have to learn this? At least it is not a fail. 3.08. I am never going to pass the 3.0 barrier I think. A curse since STPM. It is not that 3.08 is bad. It is good. But I do not know whether it is enough.

A teacher in my former high school whom has graduated taking the same course as me in the same university once said that this course that I am taking right now, is all about competition. In studying, or in getting a place in the job field. And I have a lecturer, who said that if my result is bright enough, in the end I would not have to look for jobs. Others will offer to hire me into the field. And when he said that one visible example is he himself, it killed me when he said he always got A in every subject. And what did I get just now? ...C-... Once again, damn.

My mates have gone crazy with the results. Of course. There are so many of us who will have to repeat. Unbelievable. And a few days after that, someone I knew from FIT contacted me. She has been talking about changing course and faculty to nursing. She can reads mind. It is an offer I cannot turn off. To be honest, from the beginning of the first sem, I already had the form on my table. Only that I did not know whether I will fill it up or not. Because I know I have the interest to stay. But I don’t know if I can carry it till the end. Leaving would mean an extension of another semester. Plus we have no clue about the minimum first semester grade required to enter the nursing faculty. I heard of it before. I could only remember that it’s high. And there will be another form to be submitted. PTPTN’s form, for change in years of study. And then I remember a coursemate who has been very nice made me promise before, that we’ll be together in the course until the end. She said she cannot take any biology or chemistry subject, so forget about other course, FIT fits her best. So the promise made, will I break it or not?

After a few days thinking like seriously crazy, I am shocked by the new results. On 8^th February 2012, Mr Terrin uploaded the latest mark for Discrete Math in Morpheus. There have been a slight mistake in the marks keyed in before and I got A. A slight mistake?

Urgh too serious. I can’t even smile right now.