I choose to be silent when I'm down. Because I know when I open my mouth, things are not gonna be better anywayyy. Worse, of course. I've been patient enough, but things are still bad. I chose not to be too close with anybody, because I know it's going to be difficult in times like this. I know I don't give too much trust to anyone, for in the end, I know trust is made to be broken. And I prefer to do things alone, for others know how to complaint, but most of the times, I'm the only one who's going to do it. No people live with no weaknesses, but unfortunately one of my weaknesses is that I'm hard to forgive other people's weaknesses. I know that's quite unfair for others, but this is just me. AND THAT'S WHY I AM ME TODAY.
In the past, I've seen people who should remain in my life forever, banished in just one day because of anger. Even in the pictures on the wall, there's someone who have really left forever. And there's also someone whom I'm going to pour hatred on forever. I've removed a friend for life, because of disappointment, frustration and broken trust. And I've even swore to never have anything to do with the same person. Because of these things, even my own reflection in the mirror is turning away. And I've seen someone I love getting further away from me, when things like this happened. I couldn't control my anger, and I couldn't hide my hatred. But I don't want to live there anymore. And until today, I am still trying not to.
I am not born a leader. Some are, but all this while, I was never chosen to be one. Those who stayed by my side for a long enough time know what I'm capable of, and what I am not. If I was to give others instructions, others might feel unsatisfied. It's a condition I'm trying to avoid the most. And if I was to be the head, there's going to be a gap between me, and the people i directed. I hate that situation. As I know I am not good enough to be put in that position. And because of one more thing, EXPECTATION.
I've tried to give my best in everything that I'm doing. But is it unfair if I am to ask, "Am I the only one trying?"
Am I bad if I am to feel that things around me right now are rubbish? That I am not like this before. I know I am not. But to prevent the past from repeating again, I choose to remain silent. To acquired something I define as PATIENCE, i guess. But of course, my patience have its limit too. Not too high a limit.
But still, untill that day come, that is, the day when my limit is broken down to pieces, never mind. I'm the one who'll benefited from this hard work too.
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